Every relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love…because it’s happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, “I was swept off my feet.” Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment, which is very bad and also a big sin.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully) THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression “the labor of love.” Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
And make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable—you can “make” love.
So knowing if your spouse is the right person for you is not to breakdown and cry if the points we are about to let out happen not to exist in his or her life. But is for you i use it, apply it and practice it in your home, till it reflect and manifest in his or her life.
Below are signs that will show you that you have married the right person.
The first sign that you married the right person is that the two of you are still growing with God. Neither of you is resting on past godliness or expecting the other to be the sole spiritual one in the relationship. You’re both committed to God and know that your individual relationships with Him are your own responsibility. Personal spiritual growth lays the solid foundation for growth as a couple and for ultimate success in marriage too.
Love that endures
Marriage has its ups and downs, and every marriage will pass through different seasons – seasons of joy, plenty, sorrow, tight budgets, and perhaps even in-law drama. One of the signs that you married the right person is that you love each other through every season—the good days, the bad days, and the “meh” days in between. Your love for each other is the kind of love that endures.
A love that is based on who the other person is, not on peripheral things like how he acts or what she does for you or even how happy you feel together. Enduring love is based on the truth of who the other person is. It’s the deepest, truest kind of love because it’s patterned after the love God has for us.
Common enjoyment and inspiration
A couple who is right for each other truly likes being together. That may sound silly at first, but glance around and you’ll find a whole lot of couples who don’t appear to like each other all that much.
If you and your spouse enjoy some things in common, like being in each other’s company, and continue to inspire each other, that’s a beautiful sign you married the right one! Whether it’s hiking, trying the new restaurant downtown, or just laughing at the same silly sitcom, you enjoy being together. And if through that connection you inspire laughter and enjoyment of life, that’s definitely a good sign.
Values that align
This is one of the biggies that often gets overlooked. A crucial sign that you married the right person is that you two are a values match. This means the two of you think the same intangibles are important.
For my husband and me that’s things like faith, authenticity, creativity, inspiration, never speaking badly about your spouse to another person, being lifelong learners, going big for God.
When you and your spouse align in values, you will pursue life in a way that’s compatible because you consider similar things important. A similar life view makes for strong connection which helps to create a lasting bond—the kind of bond lifelong marriages are made of.
Better together than apart
And the biggest sign that you married the right person is that the two of you are better together than apart. In this wild, crazy ride we call life, you’ve discovered that you handle life best side by side.
You know deep down that God created you with the other in mind, and you are convinced to the depths of your soul that you can affect the world for God best as a team. You are stronger, smarter, braver, kinder, better versions of yourselves together. And you can happily say, “O magnify the Lord with me and let us exalt his name together” (Psalm 34:3).